Remember the anti-drug slogan of the Reagan years? Just say no.

With the economic meltdown, the mantra of the retired, about-to-retire, might-never-be-able-to-retire, thought-we-had-the-kids’ college-paid-for should be: Don’t look.

Or for me personally, thanks to Ray Stevens: Don’t look, Ethel.

These days, it’s almost imperative that we don’t look at our investment portfolios.

Then again, looking is reflexive—like gawking at an accident.

Years ago, when I was part of a company whose profit-sharing involved discounted prices on company...