A little fantasy I carry in a corner of my mind is the geezermobile.
I don't want a ginormous motor home, complete with a 72-inch screen, a pool table, bowling alley, leather sofas, hot tub and a swimming pool on top. All I want is something big enough to load up Beautiful Blonde Bride, the dogs, pack up our stuff and hitch up a little teardrop trailer. I don't want to take up tenancy in an RV park.
I want to be able to set up camp anywhere and pull up stakes when the whim strikes.
Smokies in early spring, Rockies in late spring, Alaska for the summer solstice, New England in the fall, a beach in the Keys in the fall-ahhh, that's the life I have in mind.
In my mind's eye, the perfect vehicle is strong, ultra-reliable and moderately fuel efficient. The last two criteria are non-negotiable and, I'm sad to say, sort of limits the search to foreign manufacturers. Buick and GMC are beginning to earn top reliability earnings, but are behind the curve in fuel economy. The German brands certainly are worth consideration, but are pricey. If I have to stop and flip burgers along the way just to keep up the payments, that's going to wreck the vibe. The Koreans are near the top of the heap in reliability, but do not offer the combination of size and capability I seek.
The last year or so, my geezermobile dream settled on the Toyota Highlander Hybrid. Selling in the $36,000 to $47,000 range, it checks off all the boxes: Close to 30 mpg, 83.7 cubic feet of storage if you put down the back two rows, 3,500 to 5,000 lbs. of towing capacity, (teardrop trailers weigh in at less than 1,000, even those customized to be geezer caves) bullet-proof mechanicals, a dealership in almost every town and-this is also non-negotiable-the latest in driver-assist, accident-avoidance technology. I mean, really, who in their right mind goes out and agrees to pay $35,000 over four, five, six years and settles for last-century safety?
So a Highlander it is. Done deal. Just got to go work a while as a Geezer-greeter at WalMart to work up the down payment.
Then I drove the completely redesigned, fifth-generation 2018 Honda Odyssey. Ruh-roh. Not so fast, my friend.
With 280 horses coursing through one of Honda's legendary VTEC V-6 engines and either a 9- or 10-speed transmission, the thing darts into high-speed traffic like a German sports sedan. Yet, it rides on the same light-but-rigid platform as the estimable Acura MDX, meaning it is solid, stable, well-planted on the road. Handling comes with no drama, steering feels perfectly balanced, and the ride is as comfortable as a ginormous motor home.
This is a vehicle built for many a chore: hauling a softball team, antiquing for rocking chairs, emptying out a warehouse store, pulling a riding mower. What it does best, however, is eat up the miles. Both legs of an 800-mile round trip to the Hill Country seem to end a little too soon, before yours truly could finish dreaming about playing with the dogs somewhere in Kenai Fords National Park in the middle of a temperate, sunlit night.
As usually happens in these sorts of cases, we were treated to the top of the line: A 2018 Honda Odyssey Elite, $47,610, which basically comes standard with everything one can order on an Odyssey: heated and cooled leather seats up front, tri-zone climate control, an 11-speaker, 500-watt sound system, mobile 4G hotspot, wireless phone charger, complete rear entertainment system, front row 110 outlet, second row HDMI connect so the dogs can watch videos of the Puppy
Channel, rear monitor (throws a camera with infared capability on the rear), cabin-talk (in-car PA system, makes dogs think you are the voice of God, never a bad idea).
The list of on-board luxury and convenience features is longer than my Christmas list. (Perhaps you can explain to Beautiful Bride that flying in a Odyssey for much less money. The base level LX starts at $29,990, but if you want the state-of-art safety technology-you do-you will have to step up to the well-equipped EX ($33,860). With power sliding rear doors, heated front seats, smart entry, remote start, 4-way power lumbar driver's seat, heated door mirrors and HD radio, this might the smartest play for a geezermobile.
The EX-L ($37,360O) adds leather seating, a moonroof, auto-dimming mirror and CabinTalk. For $2,000 more the EX-L Navi adds a rear entertainment system and a navigation system. This is a nice choice for families, but most of us are using our phones to navigate these days.
On the open road is where the Odyssey earns its stripes. The driver has a commanding view and, thanks to windows all around and large side mirrors, visibility is as good as it gets short of sitting in the machine-gun turret of a Bradley Fighting Vehicle.
We especially enjoyed how the Odyssey made light work of the always aggravating traffic on I-35. With the Adaptive Cruise Control set, the car gave me permission to quit worrying about the Jack 'O' Lantern ahead who just cut me off. The Odyssey simply backed off to a safe distance until the lane cleared, then resumed the desired speed.
I have a hard time putting into words how this relieves a lot of stress, especially for this particular OCD driver. Some jackrabbit wants to weave through traffic like a drunk avoiding lampposts? Not my circus, not my monkey (Bride taught me that one). Once again, life reminded me that many problems go away of their own accord.
What really caught my eye about the Odyssey, however, is that the interior is a cave. Put down all those Magic-Slide seats and the thing has more than 158 cubic feet, or roughly 50 percent more than the largest SUV. A Cadillac Escalade has 94.2 cubic feet with the back rows down, the Escalade ESV has 121. Packing lightly is not in Beautiful Bride's DNA. I may have found my geezermobile.
A hybrid Odyssey is supposedly in the works. In the meantime, the Highlander Hybrid wins the fuel economy portion of this contest. Still, we averaged a combined 25 mpg on our road trip. That's close enough to pull the scales nearly even when we factor in interior volume.
We have had the opportunity to take both vehicles on extended road trips this year. As the guy who drove every inch of both, I feel comfortable saying that both will get you there in fine fettle. Call distance driving a draw.
Bottom line: More than 30 years after Lee Iaccoca rescued Chrysler with them, minivans may seem passé, but they still are terrific vehicles. If you don't believe me, go drive a new Honda Odyssey.