Many of my clients, especially those who were married for a long time and are now entering the dating scene for the first time, ask me questions about how to stay safe when doing online dating. While I'd never advise anyone to assume that online dating is inherently unsafe-couldn't be farther from the truth-I do try to impart some common practices to make sure you only have to focus on whether you're having fun and not your well-being. Below are a few of the more common questions I receive:
1. Are there certain facts I should know about a date before meeting in person?
It's a good idea to have your date's phone number in advance in case one of you is running late or cannot find the other person for some reason. And always meet in a public place, such as a bar or a coffee shop. I would meet your first date rather than having someone pick the other up.
2. What are the potential consequences of not knowing who your date is?
Going on any date, whether you met online or not, has its risks. When it comes down to it, you just have to use common sense. If you get the sense that someone isn't who he has represented him or herself to be, then use caution. You have no obligation to stay if you feel deceived or unsafe.
I don't, however, encourage the exchange of last names before a date, unless you want to. Nowadays, many people are asking for it, in order to do the inevitable "stalking," but it's much more advisable to get to know someone at face value first.
3. Are there warning signs I can look out for both online and when meeting in person?
Go with your gut. If someone you're communicating with gives you that "weird" feeling, you are not required to continue communicating.
4. Is online dating as socially acceptable as everyone would like to think? Is there a certain stigma attached?
Honestly, there's a stigma these days if you DON'T do online dating! There used to be a stigma associated with online dating, but now it's become the norm. Everything we do is online anyway (Facebook, LinkedIn, etc.), so why not add finding a date to the list? Online dating is a great way to meet people in other social circles or areas who you would not have come across naturally.
5. How does online dating safety compare to more traditional offline dating?
I contend that it's equally safe, or even safer. You certainly know more about the person online than you do the person you met at a bar! Again, just make sure you use common sense and meet in a public place.
6. How much information should I disclose before meeting someone? Should I create a more favorable image of myself or just spill the beans?
Be honest and "spill the beans." Of course, you don't have to tell people everything upfront, like the new pimple you got or the poor relationship you have with your mother, but things like children and prior marriages should always be disclosed upfront. Also, make sure your pictures are from the last year (or more recent if you've changed your look in some major way) to ensure accuracy. Some people think that if they fib a bit in their profile, it's okay because they'll win the person over on the date. Your date will already be turned off because you've lied.
7. What are some different methods of checking on a date both online and offline to verify they aren't a psychopath?
You can look them up on Facebook or Google them, which could be helpful. There is also a sex offender registry by state if you're concerned. (But if you're that concerned, should you be going out with this person in the first place?) Again, using your gut and asking yourself questions like, "Are the emails nice and normal?" and "Is there anything that rubs me the wrong way?" will be the best option. You can also tell a friend where you're going if that makes you feel more comfortable. And certainly, don't assume someone is a psychopath! Innocent until proven guilty.
8. Any last tips for online dating safety?
Meet in public, go with your gut, and have fun! While it's, of course, important to vet your dates, try not to go too crazy so that you never go out on a date at all.
Tribune News Service