Texarkana, TX 91° Thu H 93° L 74° Fri H 92° L 75° Sat H 93° L 74° Weather Sponsored By:

Woman struggles with a disclosure to a former lover

Woman struggles with a disclosure to a former lover

February 11th, 2019 by Jeanne Phillips - Dear Abby in Features

Dear Abby: Ten years ago, I had an affair with a married man that resulted in a pregnancy and then a miscarriage. I was also married at the time. Pathology testing revealed the child had a rare genetic disorder inherited on the paternal side. My husband's genetic test indicated that he was not a carrier. The revelation led to my admission of the affair and our divorce.

I didn't tell the other man. His wife was unable to have children, so I didn't think it would impact him. I recently found out he is divorced and remarried to a younger woman. I have no idea whether they plan to have children, but I'm torn about telling him he is a carrier for that life-threatening disorder.

Selfishly, I do not want to reopen this shameful period of my life, so my instinct is to leave it alone, but I feel morally obligated to let him know. Should I contact him and tell him he was the father of the child and that he is a carrier of this genetic abnormality?—Ton in Mississippi

DEAR TORN: The kind thing to do would be to contact your former lover privately. Explain that you do not mean to intrude, but he needs to know something important. Then inform him that it could save him and his wife a world of heartache if they have genetic testing done before planning to have a child, and why. You would be doing them an enormous favor if you disclose it.

 

Dear Abby: Decades ago, while I was a college student, a friend took the time and interest to help me through a severe bout of depression. She likely saved my life. She had no special training, just a kind heart and a willing ear. At the time, I didn't realize the profound impact she had made. Our lives diverged, and I never heard from her again.

Recently, I finally decided to reach out and thank her, but unfortunately, an online search revealed her 10-year-old obituary. From the notes in the guest book, I discovered she had suffered many personal hardships throughout her adult life, which contributed to her early death.

Because I was not able to help her as she helped me, I want to pass along two important lessons I learned: (1) Thank people and tell them you care before it is too late, and (2) be willing to lend a hand and an ear to someone in need, because you may be that one person who affects their life. She had a saying I would like to share, which has guided my life: "Just open your 'I' and LIVE becomes LOVE." — With Love in Minnesota

Dear With Love: I'm sorry for the loss of your caring and compassionate friend. I'm glad you took the time to write and share what a meaningful role she had in your life. That she made herself available to listen when you needed it is something more people should do because we live in a stressful society in which many individuals feel lost and alone. And I love her "motto"!

 

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA, 90069.

 

Andrews McMeel Syndication

Getting Started/Comments Policy

Getting started

  1. 1. If you frequently comment on news websites then you may already have a Disqus account. If so, click the "Login" button at the top right of the comment widget and choose whether you'd rather log in with Facebook, Twitter, Google, or a Disqus account.
  2. 2. If you've forgotten your password, Disqus will email you a link that will allow you to create a new one. Easy!
  3. 3. If you're not a member yet, Disqus will go ahead and register you. It's seamless and takes about 10 seconds.
  4. 4. To register, either go through the login process or just click in the box that says "join the discussion," type your comment, and either choose a social media platform to log you in or create a Disqus account with your email address.
  5. 5. If you use Twitter, Facebook or Google to log in, you will need to stay logged into that platform in order to comment. If you create a Disqus account instead, you'll need to remember your Disqus password. Either way, you can change your display name if you'd rather not show off your real name.
  6. 6. Don't be a huge jerk or do anything illegal, and you'll be fine.

Texarkana Gazette Comments Policy

The Texarkana Gazette web sites include interactive areas in which users can express opinions and share ideas and information. We cannot and do not monitor all of the material submitted to the website. Additionally, we do not control, and are not responsible for, content submitted by users. By using the web sites, you may be exposed to content that you may find offensive, indecent, inaccurate, misleading, or otherwise objectionable. You agree that you must evaluate, and bear all risks associated with, the use of the Gazette web sites and any content on the Gazette web sites, including, but not limited to, whether you should rely on such content. Notwithstanding the foregoing, you acknowledge that we shall have the right (but not the obligation) to review any content that you have submitted to the Gazette, and to reject, delete, disable, or remove any content that we determine, in our sole discretion, (a) does not comply with the terms and conditions of this agreement; (b) might violate any law, infringe upon the rights of third parties, or subject us to liability for any reason; or (c) might adversely affect our public image, reputation or goodwill. Moreover, we reserve the right to reject, delete, disable, or remove any content at any time, for the reasons set forth above, for any other reason, or for no reason. If you believe that any content on any of the Gazette web sites infringes upon any copyrights that you own, please contact us pursuant to the procedures outlined in the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (Title 17 U.S.C. § 512) at the following address:

Copyright Agent
The Texarkana Gazette
15 Pine Street
Texarkana, TX 75501
Phone: 903-794-3311
Email: webeditor@texarkanagazette.com