WASHINGTON-So, you are an ardent supporter of President Donald Trump. And you are thinking of applying for one of the hundreds of available positions the president is supposed to fill.
Because these are jobs with hefty salaries and responsibility, we are here to help.
Start by knowing the No. 1 qualification is not your skillset or even your impeccable Republican credentials. The key attribute is loyalty to Donald Trump. If you weren't on board on the lovely June day in 2015 when he announced his quest for the White House and called Mexicans rapists and murderers, sorry, you are not eligible.
But if you were, good news! A post in the Trump administration may be in your future. Think Omarosa Manigault, who has been a Trump loyalist since she was fired from his reality show, "The Apprentice." Now she has a lucrative White House job as a liaison with African-Americans.
In the spirit of patriotism, here are the suggested White House responses for questions you might get from jealous others as you pursue your new career.
Q: What do I say when I'm asked why so many Trump campaign officials took money from Russia or Russians? Isn't this collusion with a sworn enemy of the United States?
A: Absolutely not. Those "officials," even paid Trump Campaign Chairman Paul Manafort and former White House National Security Adviser Mike Flynn, weren't part of the real Trump team. That would be his family.
Q: Why won't Trump disavow Russian dictator Vladimir Putin, who has made billions of dollars in office, annexes other countries, has his enemies murdered and interfered in the U.S. presidential election?
A: The president thinks Putin likes and admires him. If you are good to the Donald, the Donald is good to you.
Q: If Trump is such a good negotiator, why is the administration talking of a pre-emptive strike against North Korea, even though this would risk retaliation that could cost thousands if not millions of South Korean lives?
A: North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un must be taught who is the boss of the world. Sometimes the end justifies the means.
Q: Isn't it awkward that FBI director James Comey testified former President Barack Obama did not order any wiretapping of Trump, despite Trump's tweets to the contrary? Shouldn't Trump apologize for falsely accusing his predecessor of a felony?
A: Of course not. As president, Trump is never required to say he's sorry. That would be showing weakness. The president is not weak.
Q: Having promised to drain the swamp, shouldn't Trump release his tax returns to prove he is not going to use the White House to increase his family's wealth?
A: Nope. Trump's aides must not have conflicts of interest, but it is legal for the president to make money while president. Really. Look it up!
Q: But the law says Trump can't rent federal property, and he is renting the Old Post Office between the White House and the Capitol for his hotel. Isn't that illegal?
A: Would you rather have such prime real estate disintegrate, full of rats, bats and vagrants?
Q: Trump promised he would not take the $400,000 presidential salary, so why is the U.S. Treasury sending him checks?
A: He certainly doesn't need the money, but he is taking it so that possibly, at the end of the year, he may donate some of it to charity. He is generous.
Q: The media has been essential for Trump's rise, giving him billions of dollars in free publicity. Trump even cites news media reports to try to prove he is not lying and not breaking his promises. Clearly, he loves media attention. So why does he keep disparaging the media, calling it "fake news"?
A: Oh come on. It's getting harder to blame everything on Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. The media is the perfect foil! Everybody has some beef with "the media."
Q: Trump mocked Obama for vacationing in Hawaii, but Trump has spent millions more in two months flying at taxpayer expense to his Florida resort than Obama spent in a year. How do we explain that?
A: We don't have to explain anything. This president is working so hard he needs a break every four days or so.