Please pass the peas and the presidency

Sunday Family Dinner at the Bush House
Jeb: It's just not fair, Ma. I'm the smart one. You and Pa always said I was the smart one. I really, really, really want to be president.
Barbara: I know, son, and in an ideal world, you would be. But as someone once said, life isn't fair.
Jeb: But a Democrat said that! I thought we Republicans believed that life was fair. Only whining n'er-do-wells think life can be unfair. I grew up on it.
Dubya: Doesn't matter about life being fair or how smart you are. It's not all about brains, bro. The voters have to want to have a beer with you. That's the secret. Nobody wants to have a beer with you-na, na, na, na, boo, boo.
Jeb: Ma! Make him stop! They do too want to have an alcoholic beverage with me.
Barbara: Cut that out, Georgie, or I'll box your ears.
George H.W.: Nobody boxes ears anymore, Barb. In today's child-rearing they now use a punitive system called "time out."
Barbara: What do you know, Mister Never Seen a Barcode Scanner. Hush up, Old Man. Jebbie, it's true nobody wants to have a beer with you. Georgie's right; even a stopped clock's right twice a day. But you could take a page from your father's political playbook. Maybe jump out of an airplane in a parachute. That's always appealing.
Jeb: Aw, Ma. Do I have to? I don't wanna.
Dubya: He's a fraidy-cat! Scared to jump out of an airplane. He'll never win.
Barbara: Shut up, Georgie. I didn't see you going to your National Guard meetings.
George H.W.: Not to mention, Georgie, you did everything those Nixon retreads told you to do, which did not display a whole lot of character or courage. If Cheney said "Jump!" you asked, "How high?" Hmmmmm?
Dubya: Well, let's not forget who won the presidency twice in this family.
Barbara: That would be nobody. Do the words "Supreme Court" ring a bell?
Dubya: I don't care, Ma. I was The Decider. Wasn't I The Decider?
Jeb: Ma, you've got to help me. You helped the others.
Barbara: But I'm old as dirt now, son. Plus, I said some things I shouldn't have after Katrina and those displaced, whining, hurricane victims have long memories.
Dubya: Helluva job, Ma.
Barbara: Shut up, Georgie. I'm trying to talk to your brother, whose numbers have tanked. It's not his fault that despicable orange-haired Trump character came along and took over what should have been a cakewalk.
Jeb: I thought it was supposed to be all about name recognition.
George H.W.: I believe Trump also has name recognition because of a new invention called "reality television."
Barbara: Oh, go jump out of an airplane, George. I'm trying to talk to the Smart One.