Show the voters a little more leg, Bill

It's not enough that this has been one of the strangest years in presidential politics ever when you consider the candidates-a former first lady, a reality television star, a native Canadian and a 75-year-old curmudgeon who appeals most to young voters.
We have an equally interesting mix of would-be, front-runner first mates-a former president, an R-rated model who designs jewelry, a Heidi and a former college president.
It's coming down to Bill Clinton versus Melania Trump in the First Mate race, which sounds more America's Cup than political. Perhaps now would be the time to use the one bit of nautical language I memorized to impress sailing friends: heaving to puts great strain on the rudder.
All this excitement makes one yearn for plain Bess Truman. She looks good in contrast, considering the possibility of a rounder or a nude GQ cover girl. Either way, the use of "lady" in a title might be inappropriate.
Not that we haven't had playboys and lookers on the premises before. But the most famous glamour puss first lady, Jackie Kennedy, was fluent in several languages, knew art history and had a bumper crop of class. Melania hasn't yet grasped subject-verb agreement in English. And Bill, well, imagine him knocking about the White House with time on his hands. He got into enough trouble while there busy leading the free world.
If nothing else, in the past eight years we have grown used to dignity in the White House. We have had a president who speaks the King's English and in complete sentences. We have boasted a first lady who is a lawyer and equally articulate, not to mention stylish without being scandalous about it. Their marriage seems solid, the children are seen but not heard. You might not have agreed with Obama's politics and policies, but the decorum was flawless.
In the future, whatever the election outcome, social media no doubt will devote a lot of time to debating whether Melania has had recent Botox injections or Bill extramarital sex. In either case it will be a distraction from major issues like the economy and war. But, hey, that's the way the world works now. It's a sexy, plastic age. The Age of Lift.
My preference for First Mate among the top four contenders would be Jane Sanders, the former college president, but unless a Tarzan swings by on a vine and transports her to the White House, I don't see it happening. If Bill wins, he'll become Mister Grandmom and perhaps host photo opportunities baking the cookies that Hillary once eschewed. If it's Melania, the Lincoln Bedroom may never be the same.