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First date spins that seem like a good idea... but aren't

by Judy Morgan | June 9, 2022 at 4:00 a.m.
Keep your initial meeting short and sweet, like getting a cocktail, grabbing coffee, or going for a walk, writes Erika Ettin. (Tero Vesalainen/Dreamstime/TNS)

If you wanted to play Steve Harvey and survey 100 people about a situation that makes someone nervous, a lot of people would probably answer "a first date." It may even be the number one answer on the board -- and for obvious reasons. You're meeting someone new, trying to make a good first impression, and trying to decide if this is someone you might see in your life.

To take the jitters out of a first date, I've seen people pull some pretty crazy moves. Here are some tactics that may seem like a good idea but could really backfire:

Drinking Too Much

Meeting for a first date at happy hour at a favorite bar? Good idea. Slamming back shots? Bad idea. Maybe having a few too many drinks will suppress any nerves and get the conversation flowing, but there's also a high risk of something embarrassing happening or never getting beyond surface-level conversation. There's usually no second date when one person ends up with their head hanging in a toilet.

Inviting Friends

to Make It a Group Outing

This actually happens, which is hard to believe. Instead of meeting one-on-one, a person decides it might be more fun to have a group of people meet. But here's what happens: one person might feel left out, the potential couple doesn't get a chance to get to know each other, and everyone feels awkward. Let's just keep first dates where they belong: with two people.

Asking Friends to "Spy"

Meeting someone who is essentially a stranger from an app can be anxiety-provoking, but having a friend or two watch your date from across a restaurant isn't going to help. It's a good idea to make a first date in a public setting, but it's unnecessary to have people too close.

Having a Friend Call

to Check in Mid-Date

While telling a friend where you're going on a first date is always smart, there's no need for your date to be interrupted halfway through with a friend's scheduled call. It's always rude when someone checks their phone mid-date, which brings us to another point...

Checking Your Phone or Watch

What could be more off-putting than someone checking their phone or Apple Watch in the middle of a conversation? Almost nothing. It doesn't make you seem popular; it makes you seem uninterested. Unless you have a true emergency, in which case you should explain to your date that you may need to take a phone call, phones should stay in your pocket or purse throughout a date.

Getting a New Look

A great haircut can be a huge confidence booster, but resist the temptation to book an appointment for a drastic change right before a first date. Not only will you look different from your profile photos, but you might not love the new look, which will only make you feel self-conscious.

Planning a Long, Romantic Dinner

A grand gesture like a candlelit dinner might sound like a good way to set the mood, but it's just not when it comes to first dates. Keep your initial meeting short and sweet, like getting a cocktail, grabbing coffee, or going for a walk. That way, if things are going poorly, you can cut it off at a natural ending point. And if there's a connection, you can always suggest expanding the date to dinner or another activity.

A first date should be a chance for two people to get to know each other better -- without friends or distractions. Don't let nerves tempt you to make a choice that could ruin your date before it's even started. (And remember -- the other person is probably just as nervous as you!)

(Erika Ettin is the founder of A Little Nudge, where she helps others navigate the often intimidating world of online dating.)

Tribune News Service

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