Dear Healthy Men: About three months ago, I became a new dad. I was super excited during the pregnancy, but ever since we brought the baby home, I've been in a funk. A friend jokingly suggested that I might have postpartum depression. Is that a thing for guys?
A: Absolutely. Although postpartum depression in women is widely acknowledged and studied, researchers have only recently admitted what plenty of new dads already knew: it affects men too-in fact, as many as one in four new dads experience the kinds of symptoms you mentioned (plus others) in the days, weeks, and even months after the birth of a child. Unfortunately, men rarely discuss their feelings or ask for help, especially during a time when they're supposed to "be there" for the new mom.
One big problem is that men and women express depression differently. Women tend to get tearful and sad; men get angry or withdraw from their family and retreat to the office. Because depression-including the postpartum kind-is usually seen as affecting women more than men, many mental health professionals don't recognize the symptoms, or write them off as normal adjustment to the challenges of new parenthood.
The symptoms usually crop up a week or two after the birth and can include feelings of stress, irritability, or discouragement; difficulty making decisions; aversion to hearing the baby cry; resentment of the baby and all the attention he gets; exhaustion; and disappointment with or guilt about how you're doing as a new dad. There's been a lot of research on the negative effects of new mothers' depression on their baby. Research on the effects of dads' depression is sparse, but what there is doesn't paint a very pretty picture. As you might expect, depressed new dads have trouble bonding with their baby.
Understand that postpartum depression is not a sign of weakness. It doesn't make you a bad dad or mean that you don't love your child. It's a recognized medical condition that affects hundreds of thousands of fathers, and you shouldn't have to suffer when treatment is available. If you aren't sure, postpartummen.com offers an anonymous survey that can clarify the issues, and a listing of good resources for getting help. Don't let depression rob you of the joys a new baby brings, ruin your relationships, or destroy your family.
Tribune News Service