You know you people who wanted to wear the Roaring '20s attire to ring in the New Year are responsible for the situation we find ourselves in? They did this to us.
It's called karma. Or foreshadowing. Or history repeating itself.
Let's take a brief look at the 1920s shall we? During that time period, the stock market was extremely shaky and eventually, collapsed, there was an epidemic of a deadly bacteria spreading around the country, and you couldn't go in a bar to have a drink.
Sounds oddly familiar.
That was my Saturday.
Maybe it's the mainstream media's fault that after going to eight different stores, over two days, to look for some Charmin - unsuccessfully - I'm now going through my old sock drawer.
I know there's some CNN employee who's got 18 packages of toilet paper and 26 cases of water in his garage, still wearing a double-breasted, 3-piece suit and fedora every Friday night, who kept me from being able to find a single roll.
It's going to be OK. It really is; we're going to be able to get to the other side of this craziness.
We don't have March Madness, the NBA, any college sports or Major League Baseball to help keep us occupied while socially distancing ourselves.
But we do have NASCAR virtual reality racing, Arkansas has said it's OK to fish without a license, and I bought a bottle or two of rum.
OK, it was seven; I got seven of them.
Joking. They were all vodka.
I know a couple of very grouchy, anti-social folks who are loving life right now. Everyone is having to steer clear of them instead of the other way around.
Not loving life are the bartenders and food servers; they just got put on a monthlong, unpaid hiatus thanks to this looney tunes world we're living through right now.
For the rest of us, just find a new show to binge watch, grab a few extra bags of chips and hunker down.
With Netflix going, your hands properly washed and lot of patience and understanding, we're going to get through this.
And does anyone have an extra roll of tp, you could spare?