When it comes to heavy-duty pickups, -ton and above, the pecking order is Ram, Ford and "what is that speck in the rearview mirror?"
We love pickups and no more so than the big boys that allow us to pack up our tools, our lunch, our water jug, and our work crew and hitch up a trailer filled with livestock, construction supplies, or a John Deere 4066M. Modern - and 1-ton trucks support our electronics devices and wrap us in hushed comfort and high-tech safety.
And, for all their width, height, mass, and power, they're a hoot to drive.
"The Ford F-350 King Ranch Super Duty is a monster of a truck. It takes a large step to get into and you sit high up enough to stare down at just about everyone," said the Magnificent JJ, also known as the world's best son-in-law, Jonathan Justice.
"Being able to look into the cab of an 18-wheeler while passing is a strange but fun experience."
Riding with the big boys
Ford let us play with a King Ranch Edition F-350 4x4. Base price is $62,810, but our tester came with a 6.7L V-8 Power Stroke V-8 diesel ($10,495), 12,500-lb Warin© winch ($3,000), Tremor off-road package ($3,975), Tough© spray-in liner $595, and 397-amp alternator, that's not a misprint.
Seriously, 397 amps. Doesn't that options list just fire off your Tim-the-Tool-Man grunt?
That brought the delivered price to a shade less than $83,000. We tried to spec out a similar RAM 3500 and it came in at $81,000 but did not include a winch.
The Ford's rear-leaf-spring setup means it will never be as smooth as Ram's coil-over-shock one. If all you've known is the leaf springs of a Ford or GM truck, the ride engineering of today's versions will feel sophisticated. And it is.
Just ask JJ.
"Despite the truck's bulk, the turbocharged 6.7L diesel responds smoothly whether taking off or accelerating on the highway," he said. "Massive tires gobble up the road and, while you will feel the shake and bumps of rougher roads, it is an enjoyable way to travel."
We kept finding things to drag around with this beast. The Pro Backup Assist, standard on King Ranch trim, is a thing of wonder: Just look in the backup camera, lift off the brake, and twist the dial in the direction you want the trailer to go. The doggone truck figures out the rest.
I'm as confounded by that as I am by a thermos jug: It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold, but how does it know? That's almost as smart as the Ram engineers who eventually figured out how to copycat Ford's system.
Put in a gooseneck and the F-350 4x4 can tow 34,700 lbs. That's more than 17 tons. The Ram 3500 4x4 will pull 37,100 lbs.
Once underway, the F-350 quickly demonstrates competence.
"With blind-side warnings on oversized, telescoping tow mirrors, it is easy to see what is around you without worry," explained the J-Man.
Cabin-cruiser luxury
JJ may not be old enough to remember when pickup trucks came with rubber mats, an AM radio, and roll-down windows, but I do. It seems incongruous to compare internal luxury, rich fine materials, sexy designs, advanced electronics, and careful craftsmanship are now de rigueur.
General Motors, which also commits the cardinal sin of being less reliable, still lines interiors with cheap plastics in design motifs created when Archie Griffin was winning Heisman Trophies look it up JJ but everyone else is offering large screens, ambient lighting and switches and gauges galore. JJ and his always stylish wife, the lovely Alyssa, my favorite daughter of all time, basked in the F-350's luxury.
"The truck feels almost like a tank when you are in and driving, but it is the smoothest, quickest responding tank ever," he said. "Comforts like heated and cooled leather seats ease the way. The backup camera and 360-degree view make parking and backing a breeze.
"In the meantime, wireless charging, Ford Sync, and Android Auto make the experience smooth for listening to music, books, or our favorite podcasts," he added.
"You feel like you could take on just about anything in it and be secure."