DALLAS - The grief has only gotten worse over time for Allison Jean.
Standing Friday south of downtown in front of a wall-sized mural of her oldest son, Botham, who was murdered in his apartment by a Dallas police officer in September 2018, she said she becomes "more hurt than before with every day that goes by."
"Time does not heal," she told The Dallas Morning News. "It's worse."
"Standing along South Lamar is painful," she said, gesturing behind her to the street where her son used to live. "Just seeing the road signs and seeing some places that he pointed out to me is very, very hard."
Allison Jean said life hasn't gotten quieter since the 2019 trial of Amber Guyger, the former officer serving a 10-year sentence for Botham's murder. Old wounds continually reopen for the family and were exacerbated by news that Guyger had filed an appeal to overturn her conviction.
The family traveled to Dallas this week because the city will rename the stretch of road where he lived and was killed Botham Jean Boulevard. It's also where Dallas police headquarters is located.
Guyger testified at her trial that she mistook Botham Jean's apartment for hers and wrongly believed the 26-year-old accountant was a burglar and a threat to her life. The officer had just finished her shift and was still in her police uniform when she entered his apartment at the South Side Flats and fatally shot him with her service weapon.
Now, Guyger is hoping to overturn her murder conviction. Her attorneys argue criminally negligent homicide, punishable by up to 2 years behind bars, is the more appropriate conviction. Oral arguments are set for April 27.
The Jean family paused Friday when asked about Guyger's appeal. Pain flashed across their faces.
"It's another delay in our healing," said Alissa Findley, Botham's sister. "It shows to me how Amber Guyger has just not been remorseful in killing Botham."
Allison and Bertrum Jean worried their son Botham would be killed in a car crash in the U.S. They never worried about him being shot by an officer.
Allison Jean has kept busy over the last year at her home in the Caribbean island of St. Lucia, where her son grew up and planned one day to return and run for prime minister.
She spends much of her day regulating energy, water and sewage as CEO of the country's utilities regulatory commission. Her therapist told her that throwing herself into her job was the wrong thing to do, but it helps her keep her thoughts off her grief.
She said she can't function like she used to. She stays updated on Dallas news because she feels she has no choice. She and Botham's father, Bertrum, haven't had time to rest since their son's death because they're still meeting with attorneys and "involved in a lot relating to the cases."
"I pray that I can get that time," she told the Morning News.
Their lives have turned upside down since the murder, she said. She remains dedicated to being a voice for Botham and other victims of police shootings. She said she frequently fields calls from grieving families who experience injustice, or from parents scared of sending their children to the United States.
Hearing about the deaths of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor and other people of color killed at the hands of police has only caused more pain, Allison said, adding that her son would have been "at the forefront" of the social justice movement.
In her eyes, Botham's case is different. None of the deaths was justified, she said, but Botham was sitting at home eating ice cream when he was killed.
"Botham seemed to have been the most innocent victim," she said, her voice cracking tearfully.
It has remained hard holding the family together, Allison Jean said, adding that Alissa, her daughter, still has a lot of anger over the murder and that Bertrum tries to escape the grief.
The Jeans' youngest child, Brandt, now a sophomore studying civil engineering at Harding University, the same school Botham attended, doesn't express his pain openly. He likes college, Allison said, but she remains concerned about him and tells him to call her every day.
"When he comes home, I just don't want him out of my sight," she said. "I'm really trying to let go, but it's hard."
She said Brandt stands by his emotional words during his victim impact statement in the trial, when he forgave and embraced Guyger in a stunning courtroom moment that moved many to tears.
Forgiving Guyger set Brandt free, Allison said, but she hasn't reached that point personally.
"I was trying to work towards what Brandt did, but not after Amber Guyger is going to seek an appeal," she said. "It tells me she has not taken responsibility for her action."
Allison Jean didn't want to come to Dallas this weekend. Being in the city reminds her of Botham's absence, she said, but she felt it was important to be here for when Dallas changes a stretch of South Lamar to Botham Jean Boulevard.
She said that as small as the move may be, she's happy that "every single Dallas police officer has to say his name" when referencing the road, because the department's headquarters will reside on Botham Jean Boulevard.
But renaming a street isn't the same as accountability and there's still work to be done, Allison said.
No one from the Dallas Police Department has reached out to her since the days immediately after Botham's death, she said. No one, she kept repeating.
"It feels like my son died like a dog on the street," she said.
Two and a half years since Botham Jean's death, she said, nobody has taken responsibility for his murder and she said she's ready to fight on behalf of her family and other victims of injustice.
The family plans to travel to Austin to discuss the Botham Jean Act, a police reform bill introduced last fall by state Rep. Carl Sherman Sr., a DeSoto Democrat, that aims to bring more transparency and integrity to law enforcement.
"I am tired of this," she said. "I believe my family has waited long enough. We demand greater respect."